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How if?
How if?
How if?
This is the first time in my life. Or maybe not the first time, but the first to remember: I feel so gloomy in a December, but not the same gloominess I feel every December.
This month, not knowing how, is such a tough month. Random thoughts for blurs are passing by and they keep passing, so now I'm sure that they are not really passing. They have settled. They settle, but keep moving around within my mind.
Today, I let myself writing about my fear and anxiety. I let myself being weak: something that's somehow "it's-not-me".
Next year: 2016 will be the year I have been waiting for 4 years. A year that probably I am not gonna forget in my lifetime:
The year I've been waiting for admitting everything
The year I've been waiting for receiving the consequences
The year I've been waiting for proving my promise
The year I've been waiting for taking a very deep breath and fighting for things I believe
The year for...
The year for...
The year for...
Dear God,
Suddenly I feel shaking. Something that usually feels okay, today is not. Something that usually I feel not afraid for, today is not. The buzzes, the noises, the voices. Though I know I still have faith, but today let me permit that it is shaking. Suddenly, I feel really insecure.
Dear God, today is not.
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